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Comparing and Despairing Cognitive Distortion: Adult ADHD

Aug 9, 2024 | Adult ADHD Coping Strategies, Adult ADHD Diary | 0 comments

By George Watts

Comparing And Despairing CBT ADHD

Om and OMG! A Yogi’s Adult ADHD Doodle Diary

A Mind Monster Named “Comparing and Despairing”: My Journey with the Pink-Horned Beast

Dear ADHD Doodle Diary,

Today, I’m wrestling with a particularly tricky mind monster—one that many adults with ADHD know all too well. This little beast goes by the name “Comparing and Despairing Mind Monster,” and trust me, it’s as menacing as it sounds.

Picture a pink, horned monster who gleefully thrives on your insecurities, growing bigger every time you scroll through social media or attend a friend’s success party.

Now, before I delve into my chaotic adventure with this fuzzy fiend, let me set the scene:

The Comparing and Despairing Mind Monster is one of 52 cognitive distortions in my “Adult ADHD CBT Card Deck.” Each card has its own adorable monster representing a different cognitive distortion. Today, the pink-horned beast is my nemesis.

This monster constantly compares you to others, leaving you feeling inadequate, envious, and generally down in the dumps.

The antidote?

Being happy for others and celebrating your own efforts. Easier said than done when there’s a giant pink monster sitting on your shoulder whispering, “You’ll never be as good as them.”

Meeting the Mind Monster

Comparing and Despairing ADHD Cognitive Distortion

 

Above is the Comparing and Despairing Mind Monster, from the Adult ADHD Card Deck.

The first time I noticed this Mind Monster was when I was a teenager. I was good amateur county golfer, but my brother was a great amateur golfer who won big tournatments and played for the UK in international events.

The pink-horned monster (Comparing and Despairing) sat on my shoulder and said, “Look at your brother. He’s so much bettter than you. There’s no way I can ever be as good as him.”

I’ll admit, the monster had a point. My brother was extremely well organised and had a plan for long-term success. I couldn’t organise myself out of a paper bag! The monster gleefully pointed out my brother was great, while I was stuck in a never-ending loop of chasing my tail.

Feeding the Mind Monster

The more I thought about it, the bigger the Mind Monster grew. I began to compare myself to everyone—friends, colleagues, random people on social media. Each comparison added a few extra pounds to the monster’s fluffy, pink frame. “Oh, look at him,” the Mind Monster would coo, “he’s traveling the world playing golf while you’re struggling to find a pair of socks without holes in them.”

It didn’t take long for the Compairing and Despairing Mind Monster to become my constant companion. Everywhere I looked, it found someone to compare me to. My friend bought a house. “Why don’t you have a house yet?” My friend travels the world.  “I barely have the energy to leave the house.” Even mundane things, like seeing my partner meal prep effortlessly, would trigger the monster. “Why can’t I even prepare a meal! Even a six year old can do that!

Turning the Tables

One day, as I sat on the sofa, overwhelmed by the sheer size of the Mind Monster I’d created, I remembered the affirmation on the card:

“I am happy with the effort I’m putting in.”

I stared at the monster, and thought,

“What if I tried being happy for others instead of envying them?”

The Mind Monster gave me a skeptical look. It wasn’t used to this kind of talk. So, I decided to experiment.

First, I sat cross-legged and in a meditation I time-travelled back to my teen years, and congratulated my brother on his golfing successes. I genuinely meant it, which felt good, actually it felt…great. The Mind Monster grumbled, shrinking ever so slightly.

Next, I tried something even more radical: I celebrated my own efforts. I looked at the pile of index cards I’d written for my novel, and gave myself credit for getting organised and having written 50+ pages. I acknowledged that while I might not be winning awards, I was making progress.

The Mind Monster didn’t like this at all!

It shrank so quickly that it almost disappeared entirely. I felt a sense of peace. Sure, I wasn’t living a glamorous, award-winning life, but I was enjoying the process and doing my best—and that was good enough.

Living with the Monster

Now, don’t get me wrong—the Compairing and Despairing Mind Monster hasn’t disappeared completely. It still pops up from time to time, especially when I’m having a bad day. But it’s smaller now, more manageable.

I’ve learned a four simple tricks to keep it in check:

  1. Limit Social Media: If I feel the monster lurking, I avoid scrolling through Facebook. It’s easier to keep the beast at bay if it’s not being fed a steady diet of curated perfection.
  2. Celebrate Small Wins: Whether it’s finishing a task or simply getting out of bed on time, I make a point to celebrate my efforts (e.g. “Well done, George!). The Mind Monster hates this—it thrives on self-criticism and comparison, so self-affirmation is like kryptonite.
  3. Practice Gratitude: I’ve started a gratitude journal. Each night, I jot down a few things I’m grateful for. This practice helps shift my focus away from what I lack and toward what I have, leaving little room for the Mind Monster to grow.
  4. Be Kind to Yourself: This is probably the hardest one, but I’m learning to cut myself some slack. On days when the Mind Monster feels particularly strong, I remind myself that everyone’s journey is different. Success doesn’t have to look the same for everyone.


George, Reflecting on The Compairing And Despairing Mind Monster

George's Conclusion

I spent months reading “The CBT Handbook”, a massive 524-page book. After reading it, I thought cognitive distortion cards with Mind Monsters  would be a much more enjoyable way to learn cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) to overcome depression, anxiety, and anger.

While the Compairing and Despairing Mind Monster may always be part of my life, I’ve learned to coexist with it in a healthier way. By acknowledging its presence, celebrating my own efforts, and being genuinely happy for others, I’ve shrunk the monster down to a manageable size.

I’ve also realized that, like all monsters, this one isn’t invincible. It feeds on negativity, envy, and self-doubt, but starve it with positivity, self-acceptance, and a little humour, and it becomes just another quirky part of my ADHD brain.

Until next time, I’ll keep battling my Mind Monsters—one monster at a time.

If you’ve made it this far, you either haven’t got Adult ADHD, or something else hasn’t distracted you yet. Bravo! Though, I’m not going to push my luck.

It’s time to wrap this diary entry up.

Namaste (my soul high-fives your soul),
George Watts

P.S. Dear Diary, thanks for letting me write in you. And dear reader, thanks for reading.

Adult ADHD Coping Strategies Card Deck

80 Adult ADHD Coping Strategy Printable Cards

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